Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Sunday, September 11, 2011


Assalamualaikum :)

Been a very long time.

Yap. I know, it's been a very long time since I last posted in this blog. Shame on me self. Let me sincerely convey what I've been feeling lately.

Suram. Dull. Like I don't want to do anything anymore. Like let the life and time passes in a way it want, and nobody bother me at all, please. Sincerely. And I don't know why, or how do I turn out this way. I might have knew earlier, but I don't remember any of my reason now. Maybe I'm getting older and senile. [?]

Heartless. Yes, I'm lacking of feeling now. People might happen to see my smiling face on everything they say to me, but I guess half of them [at least] was fake. Yup. Do not question me but I understand if you'll see me differently after this post. I chose the path after all. :(

I might not be able to express well on what I thought anymore. Okay, this is the scary part. I seriously feel scared thinking of this one reason. Writing here has always been the best way of me expressing what I felt on my daily life. As a teenager, as a student, as a friend, as a sister, and as a daughter. But somehow, I felt that the trigger that used to shake every time I came here, has already gone, or might still be beating in a very slow pulse,  that I can't even feel it anymore.

What had happen to me, seriously?!


"Ya Allah, maafkan aku hambaMu yang selalu tidak mensyukuri nikmat yang Kau berikan, hingga cuma sekecil ini nikmat yang Kau tarik, aku mengadu dan bersayu. Ya Allah, kalau ini satu petunjuk yang Kau suluhkan dalam jalan hidupku yang hampir gelap ini, aku bersyukur Ya Allah. Hanya dengan ini, mampu aku lihat betapa Kau tak jemu berada disisi, walau aku sering lupa padaMu, Ya Allah. Semoga dari hari ini, aku melangkah ke hadapan dengan pandangan berbeza, dengan pandangan penuh telus sepanjang jalan mujahadah yang Kau janjikan Firdausi sebagai destinasinya. InsyaAllah, semoga tidak lagi aku kufur akan nikmatMu di halangan yang menunggu di hadapan, perkenankanlah."

~Bukan kau dilupakan, tapi Allah SWT ingin kau kembali padaNya. Ingatlah.~

Nota kaki~Ingin dapat husnul khotimah. InsyaAllah. :')

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Dilemma. Hard One.

Situasi~Alone. (-_-")

Assalamualaikum :))

Raya dah habis. Eh, belum. Ade 25 hari lagi. Raya kan sebulan? ;) Tahun ni, raya tak menarik sangat. Sebab I've got two tests to think about during my holiday!! Argh, spoiler spoiler. Habis mood raya. T^T But some of my uncles made it up dgn kasik duit raya banyak2. Wohoo! Hahaha :D

Well actually, this is not my main ramble. Now here it goes, a true heart spill. P/s: don't mind the language.

It was like since forever I've been dreaming of learning to play musical instrument or having one or two as my very own collection. I've grown fond of music since I was like very little. I dance to music and sing to a song whenever. Like, an ecstasy. And it made me so happy to know that  I stand a chance to learn to play guitar when I came to this institution.

During my first semester I learned how to played basic chords, learn how to strum and played several songs. I'm not a very good player, I must say. It took me real longer to practice and focus on only one song. To play is another issue, but to remember the chord is what made me look bad. But I practice real hard to make it work. I didn't make a superb ignition to the graduating night, but I tried my very best. Hey, what do you expect from a first timer who doesn't even get regular lesson, huh? And I don't even have a guitar to practice on my own, to add to that.

I manage to hold back and control the feeling and the urge to play guitar through my second semester. I didn't touch a guitar for four months in a row. Not even once. But returning here for my third semester, I touched it. Hitting on the chords of Christina Perri's Jar of Hearts and Adele's Rolling In The Deep. And the urge came back uninvited. I really, REALLY felt intrigued to have a guitar; the one I can proudly held as MY guitar.

I can have it since I want it, and I've been saving my money for it. But the main problem I had was with my mom. She don't agree with the idea of buying ANY musical instrument. Even when I started playing guitar she's scolded me. And yeah, it was me who's being stubborn all this while. Or maybe I should have not started since the beginning? I don't know. (-_____-")

So here I am, after four months of avoiding music tortures, came back again surfing for Taylor's songs guitar chords. Latest sensation; Mean and Enchanted. But how would I manage to play this song?

Nota kaki~Dilema. Mau sangatsangat untuk ada gitar seniri. T^T